The Zohar/Rav Brandwein Writings
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THE REASON FOR THE HEAVINESS ONE FEELS UPON DISMISISNG BEFORE THE LORD
(From the book Shamati by Kabbalist Y. Ashlag)
When a person is wishing to work within self - denial before the Creator, without considering his own benefit, and he is leaving his family and friends for the sake of humbling himself before the Creator, he is having reached a situation where as if the whole world remains standing as it is, and only he alone is missing from this world;
One must know that the reason for the heaviness he feels is but a simple reason, called "a lack of faith". This means that a person does not see whom is he humbling himself before, namely he does not feel the Creator's existence, and this causes him to feel the heaviness.
But this is not so when he begins to feel the Creator's existence, and his soul immediately yearns to cease, and be united with his root and included within it, as the candle before the torch, without any involvement of knowledge or reason. However, this befalls him by nature, like candlelight lost in torchlight. It follows accordingly, that the main part of person's work is only to come to a feeling of the Creator's existence, meaning that he will feel the existence of Creator, that the whole earth is filled with His honor. And this should be his entire work. That is to say that all the effort which he puts into the work, is only for the sake of achieving this, and nothing else. And he should not be confused by thinking he has to achieve anything else. But there is only one thing a person lacks, and this is the aspect of faith in Creator. And he should not think about anything, meaning, that the only reward he wants in return for his work should be that he wins a faith in Creator.
And it should be known that there is no difference between a small or an extensive illumination that a person reaches, since there is no change in the light itself, but all of the changes are in the vessels which receive the abundance, as written:
"I, Yod-Hey-Vav-Hey, did not change". Therefore, if a person can expand the vessels, it is in this same degree, that he increases the illumination.
Nevertheless, the question remains : What can a person expand his vessels with?
And the answer is : With the same measure of feeling gratitude to the Creator. And the thanks are for Creator's having drawn him a little closer to Himself, that he might feel Him a little. And he should think of the significance of this, namely, that he has been as fortunate as to have some connection with the Creator. And to the very extent as that of the significance he pictures to himself, is the extent by which this significance shall increase his illumination.
A person must realize that he will never come to know the real measure of the significance of the connection between person and the Creator, since it is not within person's reach to appreciate the true value of this significance. But according to the extent by which a person values this significance, by this same extent he grasps its value and importance. And in this there is a remedy (to the aforementioned heavinesss), since by this a person can merit to have this illumination remain with him permanently.